February 4, 2009

• autistic.temperment

  "Let's go to the coffeeshop early so we have time to have a bagel and hang out," i suggest.

  We get to Pause, and Jeff is back from a brief tour of Upstate New York with his metal band, Empire State Troopers. Penny Farthing is working, too. She's the newest barista, dark-haired, adorable, thick-framed glasses, a tattoo on her neck of one of those olde-tyme bicycles that have one small wheel and one ginormous one.

  

  Penny Farthing is excitedly expounding about Craigslist. "I'm from a small town, and no one uses Craigslist! But i had the craziest Craigslist day on Saturday!" She tells us how she's looking for a roommate, but she wants to live with a guy 'cause she knows she wouldn't get along with a girl -- she makes a scrunchy face at the thought -- but the only people who come to apply (audition?) are these cute hipster bike messenger types. Which is trouble. One of the guys, named for a certain daughter on Gilmore Girls, was a total hunk.

  "But that's not gonna work out," Penny Farthing says.

  "Too much sexual tension?" Duke asks.

  Penny Farthing smiles a naughty smile and says, "Well......no, not anymore," and she laughs.

  Another candidate was a pot-dealing bike messenger, who carried an assortment of weed of various varieties. That wasn't going to work out either, though she did get a free sample of the goods.

  "I love the big city!" she exclaims.

  "What you need is a nice homo," i tell her, and she says that only one has shown up and he was queeny and clingy and was all, "We can totally do our shopping together!" and he was quickly flung onto the Reject Pile.

  Duke and i are sitting at a table in the corner, and i'm on a lumpy curved booth, flipping through free papers trying to find movie showtimes while Duke looks at Elle Decor (pronounced "Dekka," like the chick on Top Design). We hear Penny Farthing shout, "You are so mean, Jeff!" She darts over to inform us that yesterday Jeff yelled at an autistic man. I know who they're talking about -- although it turns out he doesn't really have scabbed-over sores on his bald head as he does in my imagination. Jeff protests, saying that the dude was interrupting a line of customers to ask if he could get a muffin for free even though there weren't any in the basket of day-olds.

  "The poor guy is so totally autistic!" Penny Farthing says.

  "He's artistic?" i ask, and the young woman at the counter erupts in laughter.

  "You're mean, too!" Penny Farthing says. "I'm surprised at you."

  "Hey," i shrug. "I'm not always an angel. I can be a devil, too."

  Penny Farthing says she used to work with an autistic guy so maybe she's more forgiving, and Duke compliments her on her empathy, and Jeff mutters, "Fine, i'll try not to beat up any retards today."

  • 11:02 am
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